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you start to ebb away from me
the light begins to fade
and I find myself grasping for glowing remnants

words
tokens

I stuff them into sealed jars hidden beneath the mattress like a hoarder.

But I sit tall at our dusk
praying for our dawn

old bather

an old nostalgic smell sneaks into my dreams like smoke under a door creeping in slow and steady into the foggy ether of my latenight mind until all of the sudden 

POOF

a whole and healthy version manifests as vision and all is light and all is well and I wake contented and assured. you are okay. but then I see the current version and the visions blurred and broken and my sweet dreams have deceived me again into thinking the good are good at heart and in mind, I am guiltless, 

you are well

but I'm not and you're not. 

You're all fucked up and it makes me fucking sad

sadgirl

now that I don't drink away my feelings anymore I just feel them and it kinda sucks

TOO MANY THINGS

having an into the wild-induced I have too many possessions crisis.
if you want any of my things come get em, I don't want em.

THE FEAR (but the excited fear this time)

Um Im like applying to grad school right now. Or whatever.
fhgbqpoeruyichmt wp9hywil5jersiu!!!!!!!!!dfkjshdfgjkhsbdfgisfhglfk

scary scary scary SHIT SCARY SHIT

might be moving even further west in 6 months and being like A GRAD STUDENT or whatever. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

please be sensitive around me this week has pulled me to the heights and depths of emotion and as my boyfriend once said while stoned + driving, I'm just barely clinging on to the edge

k thx bye
biz

burning in water drowning in flame

everything is inverted

flip flopping

opposite

Mister I'm struggling to stay calm


x